Monday, 26 January 2009

Sorry no paper craft in this post - I wanted to share something personal so if you're just after paper craft then click one of the links down the side and blog on! Otherwise I hope you find something in this worth reading. We went to the Casting Crowns Concert Thursday night and it was AWESOME! There was one song that in particular took me back to a time just over a year ago when things weren't looking too good.
I'd had a lot of pain on and off for a few days and a weird pregnancy test result so thought I must be miscarrying but after 5 days of pain and no other signs and when I couldn't even sit in the car my husband took me to the hospital. After ending up lying on the floor of the waiting room, alone (as hubby had to take sleeping boys home and get someone to look after them), and asking someone to get the nurse they rushed me in and immediately hooked me up to a blood transfusion with the biggest needle they could. I was hypertensive and they realised I had an ectopic pregnancy and was bleeding internally. The ultrasound showed only a mass of blood and they couldn't tell what was where. My hubby returned just as I was ready to be wheeled into emergency surgery so he was by my side when the lovely lady Dr told me (as gently as possible) "it looks like you have an ectopic pregnancy, we can't tell where it is. We will try to do keyhole but we may need to do a bigger cut (like for a ceaser). We'll do our best but we may need to take out a tube or ovary or if we need to we may have to do a full hysterectomy." And this is where last nights song relates. Casting Crowns have a song called "I Know You're There" and when they sang it last night all this came flooding back to me. Here's a photo of Megan who sang it last night At that moment what went through my head was "well here I am, it's looking pretty bad, things are quite out of my control...( the doctor later told me I'd lost 3 L of blood - half of the total in me!).... maybe now is the time to meet you..." and all I could feel was peace. I knew Jesus had me in his arms and whatever happened it would be okay. Now as I think back to it rationally my brain is exploding with what were you thinking!!! that's scary! and yes it is. I know others have faced worse. A terminal diagnosis, a drawn out illness, a lost child.... This was relatively over all very quickly but at that moment when holding my husband's hand I thought this could be the last time I see this world I had complete trust in my God... and I was so pleased, so very pleased that it was real, that He was there.... I just was reminded last night how precious that was to have been through - to know the peace and have assurance- not because of anything I'd done, just because He was there with me. I'd like everyone to have. If you've shared a similar experience I'd love to hear about it. If you want to ask any questions or don't know God or His presence in your life then please write to me I'd love to hear from you.. My husband has a different experience, but that's his story to tell. And here we are alive and well, praise God, at the concert. I'll leave you with a link to a video of the song ( cos i can't work out how to post the video here) and the lyrics If all I had was one last breath I'd spend it just to sing Your praise Just to say Your name If all I had was one last prayer I'd pray it 'cause I know You're always listening If I could live a thousand lives, bind the hands of time I would spend every moment by Your side 'cause I, I know You're there, I know You see me You're the air I breathe You are the ground beneath me I know You're there, I know You hear me I can find You anywhere If all I had was one more song to sing I would raise my voice to make the heavens ring If all I had was one last chance, I'd take it I would stake it all on You If I could raise up high and catch a glimpse of every eye I would make them believe What I feel inside If I could live a thousand lives and bind the hands of time If I could rise up high and catch a glimpse of every eye I know You're there I know You're there I know You're there, You're there One last photo from the concert, Mark Hall the lead singer, we were so close - closer than this photo indicates) thanks to our gorgeous friends getting there early and lining up in that dreadful heat!

1 comment:

Kara said...

Thanks for sharing your faith journey! Blessings to you! And lovely cards too!


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